I don’t know where I came across this guy’s ruminations. His name is Leo Babauta, and on the occasion of his 38th birthday he wrote an equal number of aphorisms meant for his children.
I thought, when I first read them, that I would occasionally pass some along–not all 38, hardly–to readers of my blog. Which I’m doing this week.
Having failed as a Buddhist–the Book of Common Prayer has a great line about “a quiet mind”–but mine is, instead, a “busy mind.” So I am, rather, a notably neurotic Christian. And when obsessing about whatever, as I am want to do, I use what I call “replacement therapy”–not unlike Alcoholics Anonymous–which typically involves at least three interventions.
One is consciously thinking about positive people and experiences in my life–the gifts, the grace-bearers–those whom it takes almost no emotional effort to deal with, since they relate in more unconditional ways.
Another involves praying in a way I’ve learned, over the years, from my Trappist monk friends. Essentially, praying Psalms, expressions of praise and thanksgiving. Whatever the efficacy of this exercise, at least I’m not obsessing about negative things, matters or people over which I have no power or control, dwelling as it were on my “pity pot,” thereby reinforcing whatever my particular Victim posture.
The third is what I call “giving it to God” prayer. It’s a way of “letting go” without necessarily “giving in.” Or as one of my alcoholic-in-recovery (for many years) buddies puts it (as something of a koan): “God heals my disease when I don’t drink; and when I don’t drink, God heals my disease.”
In case you’re wondering, when I once told my primary care doctor that I had “failed at being a Buddhist” (in the way I just described), he seem threatened and asked me, with some alarm, what I meant. At which I explained that Buddhism is more of a philosophy than a religion. And that even though Buddhism and Christianity represent different world views (in particular, regarding the “real-ness” of the material world), they are not incompatible with respect to “lightening up” on too much of life that can, if we let it, “weigh us down.”
Here then are the first ten of Leo Babauta’s “38 Life Lessons I’ve Learned in 38 Years.” They come from a site called “zenhabit.” So it strikes me that these observations have more of a Buddhist flavor to them than such similar things I might likely say.
1. Always swallow your pride to say you’re sorry. Being too proud to apologize is never worth it–your relationships suffer for no good reason.
2. Possessions are worse than worthless–they’re harmful. They add no value to your life and cost you everything. Not just the money required to buy them, but the time and money spent shopping for them, maintaining them, worrying about them, insuring them, fixing them, etc.
3. Slow down. Rushing is rarely worth it. Life is better enjoyed at a leisurely pace.
4. Goals aren’t as important as we think. Try working without them for a week. Turns out, you can do amazing things without goals. And you don’t have to manage them, cutting out some of the bureaucracy of your life. You’re less stressed without goals, and you’re freer to choose paths you couldn’t have foreseen without them.
5. The moment is all there is. All our worries and plans about the future, all our replaying of things that happened in the past–it’s all in our heads, and it just distracts us from fully living right now. Let go of all that and just focus on what you’re doing, right at this moment. In this way, any activity can be meditation.
6. When your child asks for your attention, always grant it. Give your child your full attention and instead of being annoyed at the interruption, be grateful for the reminder to spend time with someone you love.
7. Don’t go into debt. That includes credit card debt, student debt, home debt, personal loans, auto loans. We think they’re necessary, but they’re not, at all. They cause more headaches than they’re worth, they can ruin lives, and they cost us way more than we get. Spend less than you earn, go without until you have the money.
8. I’m not cool, and I’m cool with that. I wasted a lot of energy when I was younger worrying about being cool. It’s way more fun to forget about that and just be yourself.
9. The only kind of marketing you need is an amazing product. If it’s good, people will spread the word about you. All other kind of marketing is disingenuous.
10. Never send an email or message that’s unfit for the eyes of the world. In this digital age, you never know what might slip into public view.
Not that I disagree with any of Mr. Babauto’s “advice to his children.” But the way he states it–at least in most of the various items–it seems pretty authoritarian. Which is not quite how I perceive a Zen way of living. Much less a Christian way of being.
I prefer thinking of most things on more relative, qualified terms than in necessarily such absolute ways as Leo Babauta expresses himself, however important or otherwise such matters may or may not be.
And he’s the one who’s supposed to be the Buddhist.
