Someone has said that “our morality is who we are in the dark, when no one else is watching, when nobody knows, or perhaps even cares.”
In this respect, my buddy, an alcoholic in recovery for many years–he once shared a revealing experience with me.
“I owed a guy $4000. I had stolen it from him in a business deal. And I don’t think he even knew the money was missing. Except I did. But when I got into AA and starting getting sober, I began cleaning up my life. And believe me, I had lots to clean up, all the people I had hurt along the way of my addiction.”
One of the 12-Steps in Alcoholics Anonymous–I think it’s #5–it goes something like this: “Made a serious moral inventory and sought to make amends to anyone I had wronged, except when to do so would harm them or others.”
“So when I was doing step work with my AA Sponsor,” my friend said, “I told him, among other things, about the money I had stolen so many years before. At which he replied: ‘Send him the money!'”
“Because the guy I owed the money to was a very wealthy man, who owned a prominent and successful company and was worth far more than I, I rationalized that, compared to his millions, he wouldn’t miss a mere $4000. He didn’t know I had stolen it anyway. I had convinced myself that I surely needed the money more than he needed it.”
“Which is when my Sponsor said . . .
‘Send him the money! Not for him–for yourself.”‘
“Search me, O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my thoughts. And see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. ” Psalm 139: 23-24
